whaat (urbankandee) wrote,

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whole lotta crap

so i bought the new taking back sunday before i got my wisdom teeth out and have yet to listen to it until today for fear of the inevitable: it sucking.
yeah, it sucks.
and i keep listening to it anyway, hoping it will grow on me.
maybe it's just that my taste in music has changed a lot.
either way, it still sucks.
but it really reminds me of my relationship with charlie.
i'm big into lyrics, and so when i read the lyrics to the songs, i was constantly going "gee, that sounds just like charlie" or "that decribes our relationship", which is really really weird because it would be specific things, like when i "ran away" that one time. there's a song that says "i'm gonna have myself in shambles... ...phone your folks they're up and looking for some answers." and religion seemed to be a big issue in our relationship and there's lyrics that say "i wait around for a still small center from saint to sinner" and that's exactly how i always felt with him. i was either a saint or a sinner.
and i'm really neither.
and i always wore red lipstick. and he liked it. and a bunch of their songs refer to that.
i dunno, it's just little coincidences i notice.

but i did try to talk to him again today.
he didn't exactly seemed thrilled by my presence.
i've always been a pretty friendly person, so it's kind of hard for me to understand why someone would deliberately not want to be friends with someone that they've known and been around for six months.
i really do want to be his friend.
i care about what's going on in his life.
and it kinda feels like a slap in the face when he says things like "see ya around", after a 3-line conversation, in that emo way that means "i'll probably never talk to you again".
you can't get rid of me that easily.

so yesterday i went to dinner with tom and his sister and her boyfriend.
they're the perfect couple.
i hope they stay together for a really long time so i can start to gain some faith in relationships again.
but yeah, the restaurant was really nice and the food was reallly good besides the green(?) bread.
when we got back to tom's house, his sister and her boyfriend watched "curb your enthusiasm" (which i have yet to see) and we went to the beach. the weather was perfect but the stars were hiding from me.
so we kind of had a little (or kinda big) disagreement and i went into "safe" mode where i block out the situation completely and pretend like it didn't happen.
which never works, by the way.
but we resolved it and everything's ok now.

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